Merry Christmas!

Thanks for visiting my web page.

2015 has been a quiet year on the poetry front, but enjoyed my afternoons at Talking Zebras and various evenings out at local Folk Clubs - especially Morley Folk and The Croppers.

Hoping to get back to writing in the New Year, but I'll leave you with this two and wish you a Merry Christmas...

Sod Santa!

​'He's chubby and wise
And how his eyes glisten'
But…  Sod Santa, I say
Not that anyone listens
 
His damn sleigh is a nuisance
With high whistles and bells,
The lights and the fog horn
And wet reindeer smells
 
The noise, the commotion
The hurry, the fuss
The shouting and cursing
As he flies dawn to dusk
 
And I don't need the sound
of the hooves on my roof
Nor the turds that they drop;
You know it's the truth
 
I won't leave mince pies,
Carrots or brandy
They're safe in my cupboard
With the snowballs and shandy
 
The mess that he makes
As he brings in the soot
I'd rather not dust
- Let the vacuum stay put
 
My chimney is blocked,
So spare his fat arse
Give Royal Mail some business
And send it First Class
 
You might think that I'm moody
And call me a Scrooge
But I don't like his beard
Or his suit of bold rouge
 
So, don’t send him to my house
Bearing your gift
Just bring your good self
That'll give me a lift


Brahms and Liszt
Happy.  Genial.  Merry.  Jolly
Blottoed, blasted, etched and blitzed
Mellow, foggy, hazy, squiffy
Tipsy.  Tiddly.  Brahms and Liszt
 
Dazed, zombied, tanked-up, trollied
Ganted, gubbed, guttered
Bladdered, blathered, leathered, plastered, 
Sozzled, sloshed, scuttered
 
Hammered, battered, caned, mangled
Spannered, mullered.  Half-cut, lashed
Twisted, warped, slammed, wasted
Wrecked, ruined.  Munted, trashed
 
Liquified, marinated, juiced, sauced, 
Steamed, pickled, fried
Cabbaged, mashed, cooked, baked 
Boiled, stewed.  Pie-eyed
 
Stinking.  Howling.  Pole-axed, floored
Under the influence.  Off one's woo
Steampigged, badgered, ratted, goosed,
Clobbered.  Lairy.  Boogaloo
 
3 sheets to the wind.  Away with the fairies
Under the table.  Tight as a tick.
Ankled, wellied, trousered, legless, 
Bevvied, swizzled, pot-sick.
 
One over the eight.  Out nibbling the grape.
Rosy.  Rummy.  Poggled.
Jober as a sudge.   Laughing at the carpet.  
Seeing double.  Boggled.
 
Lubricated, oiled, pixilated, ploughed
Intoxicated, inebriated.  On the grog 
Wobbly, jungled, off to the races
Lit up, shot down.  Cocked as a log
 
As a lord, as a piper, as a fiddler, as a poet, 
As a newt, as a monkey, as a skunk
As a sailor, as a mouse, as a pig, as a fart
Muddled.  Fuddled.  Or just plain drunk
 
Words and experiences, many of us share 
And I'm sure there's a few that I've missed
But while some get "tired and emotional"
I just prefer to get…